A couple weeks ago, I spoke on Genesis 32 and Wrestling with God. I shared how I now "walk with a limp" after times I wrestled with God. In response to the message, I received the below note.
It's been a week since you talked about our 'limp'…. It was an emotional message for me and I just couldn't put my finger on why, until this morning when we were back in Genesis.
I've been wrestling with God for 16 months about dynamics of 2 relationships in my life. With every squeeze, pounding and fall from God, I've felt loved and close to God.
But I just didn't think that anyone would ever ask me, after 16 months, if I was limping. I focused a few days on what it would look like in my life to actually limp, where others would even notice.
I've been pretty transparent with my husband and a few other women about what these last 16 months have brought in my life. So it seemed a limp would be evident in my life. However there is no fruit of this today.
This morning, sitting back in Genesis, God has shown me that I'm still laying on the ground, in big pain, and angry that I'm there, ALONE in this wrestling- not with these 2 individuals I'm dealing with. They are ignorant of all I'm working through, despite several conversations I've had with them about it. And that adds more big pain, and resentment.
To limp, I would have to be done with rehab and be upright, walking.
It's time for me to begin walking. And time to take the life experience and wisdom that comes with it. Walking in Christ's contentment. Seeing strong steps of healing, forgiveness, strength. Grateful for the ability to walk- walk away from the bitterness. And time to be aware of the times I lie back down in the fetal position and embrace the pain again.
Thank you for the word picture that has given me lots to consider and wrestle with.